All the world


I’ve been to the theatre a bit recently. There’s some good stuff on at the moment. And some very interesting audiences. For example if you want to know the state of the country’s health, go to the theatre. It’s amazing how quickly a trip to a play or concert brings on a troublesome cough, or a particularly loud bout of sneezing. Diarrhea also seems to strike judging by the number of times people have to get up to go to the lavatory.

I suppose the theatre now resembles what it must have been like in Elizabethan times more closely than ever before. People eat and drink during the performance, whisper to each other and slide their hands into forbidden places, unaware that they can be seen.

Some people sleep, others try and read the programme, missing
whole scenes of the play – and then have to enquire loudly “what’s happening?” Obviously there are those who would rather be somewhere else. Sad, of course, but at least they have their phones to play games on. And at the interval ring friends to say they are at the theatre. And, yes it’s very good!

As for the clothes people wear, well it’s rather like being in the middle of a large charity shop. Outfits from every era and most countries of the world. Only someone had mixed them all up. But Hey Ho, as Shakespeare once said – ‘All the world’s a stage” so what can you expect.

I’m sure there’s an interesting audience near you. Why not take a trip to the theatre.

New Year?


Is it really a New Year, or is it an old one they’ve dressed up, re-packaged like they do with products. Now with added vitamins, new secret curl factor for extra curly hair, you know the sort of thing. When really it’s the same old ‘same old’ in a different colour pack and a pinch of secret ingredient added. Only I’ve got to say that so far the year doesn’t seem too new. True a lot of us have now got extra debt, and added weight, but everything else seems the same.

We’re all still in a mess. Except those who got us here. By and large they’re all right. Situation normal. The thing is that if they were going to dress up an old year as a new one, why didn’t they choose a better one than 2012?

I mean what about one of the boom years. Full employment. A retail bonanza. Low interest rates for house buyers, high ones for savers. An early spring, a hot summer. The year I got divorced. Or the year my mother-in-law fell down the stairs and bit her tongue and couldn’t talk for a month. A year when we all had something to celebrate.

I’m thinking of offering ‘alternative’ New Years, but product development is proving a bit difficult. I think it’s going to have to be a kit where people construct their own new year based on a favourite one (or several) from the past. I’m not sure how it will work, but I think it’s got potential. In the meantime at least you know what to expect in 2013 – what you had in 2012!

How Was It For You?


Did the earth move, or was it just the Christmas pudding lurching from side to side? I’m talking about Christmas you understand. I’m not one of those people who ask embarrassing questions about your personal life. There’s always the chance I won’t like the answers!

We had a family Christmas which meant my wife and me didn’t sit down much. It’s amazing how many different things people want – at different times. Mostly just as you’ve sat down from attending to the last request!

It goes without saying that we all ate too much. The most dangerous phrase in the world is “After All It Is Christmas.” This seems to excuse everything from murder to leaving the lavatory seat up. What is it about lavatory seats that bring out the worst in people. Never mind. Another answer we don’t want to hear.

At least we’ve solved the problem of unwanted presents by each of us issuing a list of things we’d like at the beginning of December. What we haven’t solved is the question of communication. Or unilateral action. So while you don’t end up with multi-coloured socks or three dozen handkerchiefs, there is the distinct possibility that you could get four copies of the same book, or that CD (which you weren’t really sure you wanted anyway).

However, we got through it. And we’re still talking. Most of us. There’s just New Year to deal with now and three family birthdays to celebrate. And, of course, the months of dieting. Happy New Year.