How Was It For You?


Did the earth move, or was it just the Christmas pudding lurching from side to side? I’m talking about Christmas you understand. I’m not one of those people who ask embarrassing questions about your personal life. There’s always the chance I won’t like the answers!

We had a family Christmas which meant my wife and me didn’t sit down much. It’s amazing how many different things people want – at different times. Mostly just as you’ve sat down from attending to the last request!

It goes without saying that we all ate too much. The most dangerous phrase in the world is “After All It Is Christmas.” This seems to excuse everything from murder to leaving the lavatory seat up. What is it about lavatory seats that bring out the worst in people. Never mind. Another answer we don’t want to hear.

At least we’ve solved the problem of unwanted presents by each of us issuing a list of things we’d like at the beginning of December. What we haven’t solved is the question of communication. Or unilateral action. So while you don’t end up with multi-coloured socks or three dozen handkerchiefs, there is the distinct possibility that you could get four copies of the same book, or that CD (which you weren’t really sure you wanted anyway).

However, we got through it. And we’re still talking. Most of us. There’s just New Year to deal with now and three family birthdays to celebrate. And, of course, the months of dieting. Happy New Year.


There seems to be a lot of talk about BOGOF. I’m not referring to what you’re tempted to say to people who phone you to ask if you’d like to take part in a survey on drains just as you’ve started dinner.

Or a notice on the loo door indicating it’s out of action. I’m talking about BOGOF the acronym. Buy one get one free. You’d think the idea would be a popular one. We all like something for free. I mean the idea of buying one bottle of whiskey and getting another one absolutely free brings tears to my eyes. But of course, that isn’t how it works.

The items featured, unlike whiskey, are not the ones we want, or are good for us. Well that is, according to the University of East Anglia’s Norwich Business School, who say BOGOF’s have a bias towards ‘sugary products and unhealthy products’. And that’s why there is a gathering number of people who are telling the supermarkets to Bog Off with their BOGOF offers.

Many people would prefer we could buy one at half price, rather than two at double the price. Or buy one now and get another free later. But that’s not how supermarkets make money.

So my suggestion is that instead of looking a gift horse in the mouth, we accept our BOGOF’s, take them home and give the one we don’t really want to someone who will be grateful for it. Someone, and there’s always someone, who’s worse of than us.
Happy Christmas.

Private View

Private View

I went to a private view the other evening, and it made me realize
what strange events they are. For a start they’re not private. There were at least sixty other people at the exhibition. Mostly friends of the various painters, although they seemed more intent on the free wine and canapés than the art.
And due to, some would say over crowding, you didn’t get a very good view of the works of art. Although I have to say on the couple of occasions I managed to get close to a picture, this was not necessarily a bad thing.
Perhaps if I’d have worn sunglasses as a few of my fellow guests had, things might have looked better. Of course the artists were there. Well one assumed they were artists. You would hardly have gone out in public like that if you weren’t a bohemian.
But then I suppose that’s part of the event. You think he or she don’t look as if they’ve got two pennies to rub together, I’d better buy something. That is until you see the prices. The prices. Hell, I could buy a Picasso for less than they want for a series of splodges in different colours called ‘Mother & Child Reborn’.
However people must have seen something they liked, because after about an hour, and several bottles of wine, a few red dots started appearing on the paintings, indicating they’d been sold.
Well, I assumed they’d been sold. Of course, it could have been a ploy to ‘encourage les autres’ as they say. But that’s only a private view.